You don’t want to spend your work day checking email.
You didn’t get into education to answer email.
You didn’t get a degree to respond to email all day.

One author compares email to the old mail room.  You probably wouldn’t be too jazzed about working in the mail room (unless you’re Buddy the Elf!), but your inbox is winning:

• You get too email you don’t know what to do 
• You feel like all you do is email
• You think no one reads your email
• You don’t have time to respond to your email
• You waste time on your phone when it notifies you of new email

Unless you’re some uber-successful mogul with someone managing your inbox, email is a part of your work.  Your principal uses email.  Your colleagues use email.  You use email. 

Here’s 5 ways to better control your inbox and give you more time: 

Email is an opportunity
This year I’ve emailed school board members and state representatives on educational issues.  My emails were respectful but clear on my perspective. 
Less than half of these leaders replied to my email. 
Two leaders sent thoughtful replies. 

A couple others replied with the standard “thank you for contacting me . . . “. 

But the majority didn’t reply.  I don’t want to make up stories as to why these elected officials didn’t respond.  And there’s times I don’t get back to people, but your email is a billboard for you.  People will think positively or negatively about you based on your email interaction. 
Choose to see people emailing you as a privilege and an opportunity to communicate and serve them.

Schedule inbox time
Schedule email time and then don’t check email outside the scheduled time.  People with legitimate emergencies know how to contact you outside of email.  When my kid’s school needs to reach me because my kid is sick, they don’t email me.

Whenever you decide to do email work, it shouldn’t be the first or last two hours of your day.  You don’t want to open email the first two hours of your day because your inbox has other people’s agenda for you and your day (buy this!  read this!  click this!).  You don’t want to end your day checking email because then you’re telling your brain you’re still in work mode rather than getting ready for sleep mode. 
You may need to experiment with times that work for you to find a consistent time. I try to check email around 9 in the morning (after I’ve been up and working for several hours on things I want to work on) to see what needs my attention.  I’ll check it at least once more later in the work day.  A friend of mine autoreplies to every incoming email telling the sender when he checks email so you’re not waiting with baited breath for him to respond (and what is baited breath? It sounded like the right thing to write there but I have no idea what it means!).

If you’re a teacher, tell parents when you check email. 
If you’re a principal, tell teachers and staff when you check email.
When you communicate when you check email, you give free people from wondering when you’ll reply.

Your phone sucks at email
You need to tell your phone it sucks at email and you’re no longer using it as your inbox.  Turn off email notifications in your phone and if you’re so moved, can delete the email apps.  Once you have a set time for email, you no longer need your iPhone to say you have an email from Target about their big summer blowout.  Email notifications take you from whatever it was you were doing (grading papers, cooking dinner, watching your son’s baseball game) and bring you back to your phone where checking the email becomes wasting time on Facebook, the Gram, or candy crush.

Your phone’s an amazing tool but it doesn’t have your best interest in mind with email.  Turn off the notifications today. 

Don’t read email
You’ve set aside time for email so now what?  Don’t read your email.
You don’t want to read email.  You want to decide emails.
Is the email a request to meet?  Schedule it and move to your calendar.  Can’t meet?  Send a reply saying you can’t meet. 
Is the email an offer to buy something?  That’s most of our inbox.  Buy or delete.
Is the email something you want to learn like an article, a podcast or video?  Schedule the time to listen or read.  Set up a folder where you store these learning emails and give yourself a week to listen to the podcast or read the article.  Don’t get to in a week?  It wasn’t important so delete. 
Does the email need your opinion?  These are the most challenging for me because I need “think time.  Thank the sender for the email and let them know when you’ll get back to them with input. 
You get the idea.  Make decisions with email, don’t read it. 

Put your email to work
Email is a powerful tool that can work for you.  Use email to communicate vision. 
To inspire. 
To teach. 
To coach. 
To challenge. 
To encourage. 
To appreciate.
To get YOUR work done.
How can you put your email to work without getting lost in your inbox?
One tip that’s worked for me: work in a different part of Gmail (like the “drafts” folder) where I compose emails and send them (or schedule them).  I don’t see incoming emails and I am using email to communicate what I want to communicate

​What email tips work for you?  Let us know and together we’ll do better with out inboxes and get some time back.

A educator friend messaged me last week and asked if I was keeping up on our community’s school boundary discussion.  Our community opens a new middle and high school next school year and is redrawing boundaries to balance out the number of students in each building.

My initial response?  It was honestly meh.  Not because of apathy, but because boundaries don’t matter as much as I’d like them to and as much as we as a community would like them to. 

The potential boundaries’ effect on my family isn’t going to be that great.  Our youngest child will be in 8th grade when the new boundaries take effect and we’re tentatively within the new middle school’s boundary, so the change potentially affects us.  I’ve told several people, though, that if she wants to stay at her current school, she likely can because there’s not many decide to open enroll there.

Therein lies the challenge with school boundaries.  School boards can set boundaries best they can.  (Sidenote or disclaimer: The remainder of this letter isn’t a critique on my school board.  They’ve worked hard.  They’ve listened to the community.  I’ve worked with a couple of them on community issues with Covid-19 and they’ve been gracious, conscientious and ready to help).  School boards lean on population data sets and try their darndest to make sure schools are equitable with similar populations of students who qualify for free and reduced lunch.  It’s the best available metric we have to make sure our community doesn’t have schools of “haves” and “have nots”.

To give each school the opportunity to have an operational PTA or PTO. 

To provide students with similar educational experiences and equitable facilities no matter the school they attend. 

But I wonder how much school boundaries actually matter in districts with open enrollment and specialty schools.  My words to follow will sound judgmental and harsh.  Please know they’re not meant to.  I believe families should make the best decisions they can for their children’s educations.  For some families the best decision is homeschooling.  For others its private education.  For others it’s going to a specialized school or open-enrolling to a perceived better school.

Many of my neighbors have open enrolled to schools our community perceives as “better”.  When I had four kids in elementary school, there were 19 kids in our half of the block and only 5 (my four plus another kid) attended our district school.  Today they’re the only ones on our block who attend the school they’re supposed to according to boundaries.  Our neighbors opted to open enroll to perceived better middle and high schools in our community and they should have that option.

But if every family makes a similar decision, if every family makes decisions with only their immediate best interest in mind, school boundaries will only matter for those unable to make a similar decision to open enroll.  Or send to a specialty school.  Or send to a private school. 

School boundaries ought to be a great equalizer within a community. 

School boundaries ought to provide equitable educational pathways for all students. 

School boundaries ought to insure students and families benefit from diversity.

I see two options independent of the where the actual boundaries end up.  The first option is for more families to make educational decisions in the community’s best interest. 

In the neighborhood’s best interest along with their children’s best interest. 

Families who view the world through a holistic lens and intentionally decide to educate their children in schools with more diversity.
In schools with a perception- real or perceived- of not being as good. 
Families who use their opportunity to attend and serve schools with historically limited opportunities. 

Communities with schools of "haves" and "have-nots" only delay costs the entire community eventually will bear.  Harvard professor and author Robert Putnam writes in his excellent book Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis, “Even if we harden our hearts and simply leave these poor kids to fend for themselves, we still have to reckon with the lion’s share of these costs.”  Equitable school boundaries is a good place to start.  Families who intentionally choose to educate their children in schools perceived not as good are another way to take on these costs earlier and actually make a difference on the front rather than wrestle with consequences on the back end.

Perhaps this is a bit Pollyannaish.  It's difficult and challenging for any of us to make decisions for the greater good when they conflict with our self-interest.  So my second option is higher pay for teachers and staff in schools with higher rates of student populations on free and reduced lunches.  I’m already on record as saying teachers don’t make enough as it is.  I contact my local legislators each session on this issue.  I know increasing teacher pay is already a challenge.   I'll concede pay differences between teachers at different schools with similar education and experience potentially opens up a different set of problems. 

But if we allow free movement between schools, if families can indeed make decisions in their children’s best interests, and if we continue to have community perceptions (again, real or perceived) of good schools and not so good schools, we need the best teachers and leaders at the perceived not so good schools and we need to pay those teachers and leaders and more. 

I'm sure this invites a flurry of emotion, responses and many “what abouts” (what about this?  what about that?).  Most educators join the profession to enact change.  Most educators are the best of us who desire to teach, serve and lead our next generation.  They do so often without adequate pay or the resources to fully do their jobs.  Putnam again writes, “in a market economy the most obvious way to attract more and better teachers to such demanding work is to improve the conditions of their employment”.  This means increasing the pay and placing higher value on the teaching profession overall, but it might also mean admitting teaching 3rd grade at School A may be harder, more demanding or comes with more complex issues then School B.

I think both options are doable to provide a more equitable learning environments and opportunities for all students.

You have two options when you’re facing a problem:

• “Not my problem”
• “Problems are opportunities”

You experience “not my problem” throughout your day. 

Last week I was at a store to pick up something for one of my kids that we had ordered several weeks ago and was shipped to the store.  And let me preface this story by saying I’m not trying to shame this retail worker or this store.  Retail workers are experiencing demand they usually see during the holidays.

They're working with new social distancing conditions.

Customers are panicked and anxious.  I get it; this environment isn’t easy and they didn’t sign up for it. 

Anyway, I go to pick up the item we ordered and there’s a new person working.  She’s flustered.  They’re busier than normal and my default is to be chipper and polite (doesn’t always happen!).  While waiting, a gal from the other side of the store- a worker I’ve known for years through her helping our family- comes in and tells the newer worker her office phone isn’t working.  This store has two numbers depending on what you need and the one number isn’t working.  The newer worked acknowledges the statement but doesn’t know what to do. 

After a few more moments, she sends me to the other side of the store to get the item I ordered.  I head to the other side and discover the worker who said the phone's not working is the only worker to answer phones and serve customers.  She’s working hard.  She’s with a customer. Traffic continues to fill the store and continues to get phone calls for the part of the store whose phone isn’t working.

She’s not getting mad.  But rather than telling people to call back an hour.  Or writing down their numbers so the other part of the store can call them back. Or ignoring the phone to serve the customers in the store, she communicate this isn’t her problem: 

• I don’t know what’s going on over there
• I’ve told them
• I’m the only one here
• It’s not my problem

I’m honestly impressed she didn’t lose her cool, but there’s growth in how she (and you and I) choose to see problems.  If you use those three words, you'll stay stuck where you are.

One of my first bosses out of college chose to see problems as opportunities.  I was in grad school and I was managing apartment complex Tarina and I lived when we were first married.  I oversaw two apartment buildings with over 60 units and 4 houses.  I collected rent.  Mowed yards.  Cleared snow.  Marketed vacant apartments.  Fixed the occasional leaky toilet.  There was always a problem, and whenever I’d head to my boss’ office to complain, the scene was the same:  My boss was a giant of a man (he played football at the University of Michigan in the 1950s and made annual trips back to the Big House) and he was always chewing on a cigar (called it his pacifier). 
I’d go in to his office to complain and expect him to solve my problem and in between bites of his cigar he’d say the same thing: problems are opportunities.

• I’d complain a tenant was late on rent and he’d say problems are opportunities.
• I’d whine an apartment needed something fixed and he’d say problems are opportunities.
• I’d make excuses for why a vacant apartment still wasn’t rented out and he’d say problems are opportunities.

One winter I was snowblowing the rental homes and accidentally sucked up a one of the house’s dog chains and it got wrapped around the auger.  The snowblower came to a fantastic stop and I was clearly in trouble.  I remember calling him and thinking perhaps this problem was an opportunity . . . . an opportunity for him to fire me! 

Whenever I encounter a problem, his mantra is still there. 

I don’t always respond the way I want to. 
I don’t always see the opportunity with the problem. 
I don’t always want to see the growth present if I just lean in.  Solve the problem. Work toward a solution. 

But I desire to growth. I desire to see problems as opportunities rather than ignoring them believing they aren’t my problems. 

You have two options today when you encounter a problem:

1. You can say it’s not your problem and stay stuck
2. Or you can see the problem an opportunity and grow 
   

​How will you see your problems today?

It’s been a week!

And it seems this year has way too many of these weeks.  Each new month brings new challenges. New fears. New concerns.  New opportunities.

When the world seems out of control, there’s four questions to ask.  I’ve had many discussions about the recent events of racism, justice, protests, and riots with my family and friends.  How my kids are experiencing them and how they’re feeling. How we can be the change we want to be and how that change starts with four questions. 

When you want to make any change in your life- a health goal, a career goal, a financial goal- you can ask the same four questions. 

Do I care? 
If you want to make any change in your life, the first question is do you care.  I know some say start with your why. Lead with your purpose. Start with the end goal.  It’s good advice, but the first question to ask is do I care.  Do I care enough to lose the weight?  Do I care enough to run the marathon?  Do I care enough to get the degree to become a principal?  
Same question applies to what you’re experiencing in the world today.  Do I care?  We tend to care more the closer it comes to our community.  If your community has had a protest or if your community had a protest turn violent, you care more than those whose communities who haven’t. 
Here’s the thing: do you care enough about an injustice when it doesn’t personally affect you?  When it doesn’t directly affecting you but you still know something’s wrong, do you care?

Do I give? 
If you care about a goal, what do you give in order to achieve the goal?  If you’ve got a health goal, what do you give to achieve the goal?  What time and money are you willing to give to walk, or run, or hit the gym to achieve the goal.  If you have a career goal, what time and money do you give to get more education or learn more to achieve the goal?

With what you’re experiencing in your world today, do you give money and time to make your community better?  To make your community more welcoming.  More equitable.  A place where all are is valued and have the same opportunities. 

One question we ask when we see bad things in our world is what can I do?  You can mentor someone.  You can volunteer at a food distribution.  You can help businesses clean up after violence damages their stores.  Sometimes the situations seem so bad you feel paralyzed as to what you can do, but often the more challenging question is do I give.  If I care about something, what I am giving to that something.

Do I quit?
With any change you want to make in your life, you will want to quit.  You’ll get frustrated the goal isn’t happening as fast as you want.  You’ll get down because the initial excitement from starting the change has worn off and now doesn’t feel as good.  You were pumped the first week about going for a run but by week 4 you’re looking for excuses because getting the run isn’t new and exciting. 

Same with change you want to see in your community.  There will be resistance.  There will be despair.  There will be times when you don’t feel like.  This question will likely be its own blog on how to push through desires to quit or what Seth Godin calls “the dip”. But what awaits you if you don’t quit is the change you want.  The person you want to become.  The better community you want to be part of. 

Do I learn? 
Real growth and change happens in your life if you’re open to learning what worked and what didn’t.  Back to the health goal.  You want to lose weight.  You decide you care enough about to losing weight to run every day.  You give time and energy to running every day. You push through times when you want to sleep in or you’re too tired or it’s too hot or too cold or too windy or whatever excuse you’re tempted to use.  You give up your excuses and you run to lose weight.  And it works!   You’re losing weight. 

It’s right here where you can ask what have I learned?  Maybe you actually learned you don’t like to run.  You learned you can achieve a similar health goal through a better diet.  Or by walking each day.  Or through meeting friends for a class at the gym.  So you decide to ease up on the daily running.  You add other exercises.  You still run but less often.  But once you push through the resistance that wants to knock you off the goal, you’re free to learn.  To grow.  To make changes that bring you closer to who you want to become.

What question are you asking yourself today? 
​What questions would you add to the list?  Let us know in the comments.
 

I don’t know how the name Karen came to get a bad rap, but you see “Karens” everywhere you go.

Karens police you in the store with a dirty look if you go down the cereal aisle in the wrong way or on the socials if they see a picture of you with someone other than an immediate family member.

Karens even show up at food distributions and chew you out or appeal to the sheriff when they don’t agree with your decision (true story from last week!).

Karens exude worry and fear. And the world can be scary and worrisome. 

You have four tools at your disposal to better deal with Karens and to help you have better days:

1. Laughter- The first tool is laughter.  Humor.  Smiling.  These things cost you nothing.  They can positively impact someone else’s day.  And even if they don’t, they will positively impact your day.  You’ll feel better because you smiled more.  And yes, smile even when wearing your mask because your eyes communicate your smile.  They communicate your positivity.  You’ll feel better when you use humor to lighten a situation. 
   
2. Wisdom- the second tool is wisdom.  Our world needs wisdom, but we act like we want the opposite of it.  We want authority figures to tell us we’re going to be okay.  We want the CDC to lift all restrictions and tell us it’s safe to resume normal life. We want our churches to reopen or stay closed (depending on our perspective) and we want all the programming decisions (camp, Sunday school, VBS, youth group) to follow suit.  We want our superintendents, school boards and college presidents to make decisions now about what school looks like a couple months from.  Virtual school hasn’t even ended for many districts and we’re clamoring for leaders to already know what fall looks like.   Know what the future looks like?  It looks grey.  Know what the future needs from your leaders and from you?  Wisdom.  There’s plenty of expertise in our world and we need the experts.  We need medical and scientific experts explaining data models.  We need business and economic experts showing us what’s happening with jobs and the economy.  We need mental health experts revealing the toll this has on families and marriages and mental health.  But we really need wisdom.  We need leaders who can handle nuance.  We need people who don’t knee-jerk freak out to a Facebook image of the CDC suggesting schools stagger their days so teachers basically teach from sun up to sun down to abide by social distancing best practices. We need one another to not live life recklessly as if this pandemic isn’t something but who also aren't so scared to resume some semblance of normal life because life is risky, whether that risk comes from a virus or a natural disaster or an automobile accident. 
   
3. Patience- wisdom’s twin sibling is patience.  You’re so used to being able to get what you want now.  Food?  Now. Entertainment?  Now.  Stuff from amazon?  One hour or at the most, 2 days. now.  Answers on global pandemics and how we live life?  We want answers now. Grocery stores running low on meat or other staples require patience. Friends and family opining on social media require patience. Helping anxious neighbors at a food distribution require patience. Staying home with little ones require patience.  Working from home, teaching from home, and doing more of life from home requires patience.
   
4. Empathy- the final tool our world needs more of is empathy.  Empathy helps you think before you speak.  Empathy makes you more understanding. Empathy helps you become more patient and wise because you pause to consider how something affects someone else.  You hear what people say and you listen.  You may not agree and you don’t have to be empathetic, but you’ve validate someone when you consider their perspective.  It’s hard to lead with empathy because you want to protect your ego and your pride. Your ego knows you showing empathy gets you hurt (at least in the short term).  Your ego will also tempt you to use empathy to get something from someone, but you’re no longer empathetic when you have an agenda for empathy.  Practicing empathy with others is a vital survival skill both today and in the weeks to come. 

What would you add to this list? 

Which of these four can you give today?  This week? 

​Let us know in the comments.

Opportunities for conflict surround you. 

Conflict occurs at the grocery store when you see someone wearing a mask and you laugh cause you think they’re stupid or you see someone not wearing a mask and you fight the urge to accost them in the produce section. 

Conflict occurs each Sunday as you question why your church is open or wonder when your church will reopen as you contemplate visiting a different church.

Conflict occurs each time you hop on Facebook or Twitter and you’re tempted to comment on the crazy perspective your crazy relative or high school classmate posted.

Conflict will occur in the future too as one school district welcomes students back in August and another district opens with no students in the building. 

However you encounter conflict today, tomorrow or in the weeks and months to come, here’s five ways to be better with conflict:

1. Disagree but commit- this principle comes from Amazon’s organizational culture. It affirms you can disagree on an issue and still commit to one another.  You can disagree on how schools handle the school year in the fall and still commit to supporting your district’s leadership.  You can disagree about your church’s decision to reopen while still supporting the church and not gossiping about the decision.  You can disagree with something a friend or family member posts on Facebook while still committing to love that friend or family member and wanting good for them.
2. Release scorn and contempt- you’re tempted to write off people on an opinion you disagree with. You might make a snarky comment like “I can tell who the smart ones are by who’s wearing a mask” or “if they vote red or blue I no longer want anything to do with them.”  The author in Psalm 119 writes: “take away from me scorn and contempt”.  Whether you’re a person of faith or not, these are good words.  Scorn believes someone is worthless or despicable.  Rather than throwing away people you disagree with, see people as people.  Resist the temptation to see people as their ideas or an argument to win.
3. You can’t read tone in text- Ever get a text from someone and you’re like “I can’t believe this person is so rude” or “OMG why is this person so cranky?”.  No?  Just me?!  I tell myself often that I can’t read tone in text.  With more remote work, much of your work and communication is the written word.  Emails.  Articles.  Text messages.  Social media posts.  You filter other’s written words through your context of how you feel about them in the moment.  If you’re generally good with someone, you see their communication as warm and personable.  If you’re on the outs with someone, you see their tone as rude, dismissive and insensitive.  This holds true for articles or posts that either confirms your perspective (I like her because her posts agrees with me) or challenges your perspective (he’s such a jerk for posting that).  But you can’t read tone in text.  As you navigate conflict with words on social media, email or wherever, keep this in mind.  
4. Judge not- you judge others when you believe your perspective is the right one and you’ve got the moral high ground.  Pick any current hot topic and once you’ve picked a side, you’re not content with just living out your convictions, you judge those who aren’t joining you because it’s obvious your choice is the correct choice.  The moral choice.  The right choice.  There’s so much we don’t know about this pandemic.  The data, perspectives and sides change multiple times a day.  One study or article comes out and that side cheers and judges.  The next day (or sometimes the next hour) another study or articles comes out and the other side cheers and judges.  It’s an exhausting cycle.  How do you escape it?  As best you can, don’t make these issues matters of right and wrong.  Challenge your thinking with sources who think different then you.  Keep your socials connected to people with different perspectives than you.  Tell yourself whether it’s when schools or churches or business open or stay closed, these issues are not ones of right and wrong. 
5. So you’re right- Here’s a though exercise for you: if I’m right about ______________, then ______________.  If you’re right about something, what happens?  Maybe the only benefit for you is that you’re right.  Your perspective was correct.  You rejoice in in your superior mental ability, pat yourself on the back, and continue on with life for others to bask in your glow.  But did your being right cost you anything?  Did it cost you a friend?  Did it cost you your reputation?  Did it cost you credibility?  I like being right as much as the next person (maybe even more so based on my interaction with my kids during quarantine!), but the older I get the more I understand the costs with being right.  Being right isn’t worth it if it costs me relationships or reputation.  If I win every argument there will soon be no one to argue with.  Of course there are times you when right and wrong is important and you speaking up may cost you relationships.  But those incidents aren’t as common as you think and should be the exception more than the rule.

 
Which of these five sticks out most to you? 

​What would you add to the list?

Let us know in the comments.

Some PG-13 language in today’s post to keep it real.  Yeah, I know no one says “keep it real” anymore, but the following story is true.

While working with our community’s food distribution you occasionally get grumpy people in the line.  At our first food distribution I was massively chewed out by someone who didn’t want to wait in line.  I can’t repeat the language here or I’d have to change this post’s rating.  But I got it.  People are amped up and her only outlet was to go off on me, so be it.   

Back to the PG-13 story: last week a recipient is wanting food and she’s not in the system.  She thinks she is. Finds out she isn’t.  She’s annoyed.  I can’t blame her.  There’s been a couple different processes.  There are several food giveaways in the community. And everyone- volunteers, food recipients, you, me- is feeling fear and anxiety to some degree.  This gal is agitated wondering aloud why she has to re-register and finally lets out: “what the hell was the other registration for? What the hell why do I need to register again?”

My response?  I smiled. And then I said “I know, what the hell” and chuckled. 
She smiled.  I smiled. 
I might’ve caught the other volunteer off-guard but then they too smiled. 

The point isn’t to swear more.  This is maybe the second time I’ve publicly said “what the hell” in the last year.  The other time was in front of my boys and nephews on the lake last summer, but that’s a story for another day.

The point is like this woman you’re going to have what the hell moments (abbreviated here on out as WTH) in the biggest WTH season you’ve ever lived through.

Your students figure out how to make all kinds of TikTok videos but can’t figure out how to upload an ELA assignment in Google classroom?  WTH.

Your friend or family member posts/tweets/shares something and your only reaction is WTH.

Your kids quickly adjust to a summer vacation schedule of staying up late, binge watching Avenger movies, leaving the basement and kitchen looking like some massive party happened and no one cleaned up while you’re still going to bed by 10:30 and waking up in the morning muttering WTH.

Your children figure out new ways each day to bug the dog/cat/your spouse/their sibling/you, get the desired reaction of annoyance/growling/complaining/whining/yelling and then respond “what?!” with such genuine shock their action caused the reaction, and you’re like WTH.

I said WTH last week to diffuse tension and relieve stress.  It worked for the woman in line and maybe, just maybe, calling the tense/worrisome/agitated/annoyed/stressed moment you’re living through a WTH moment will work for you too. 

And if you want to keep it real, share your WTH story in the comments!

This is my first time doing this
I’m part of a team of folks providing food and necessities to people who need them during this pandemic and much of the provision happens in a twice a week food distribution.  Our team has provided food necessities to thousands of households in our community and the most common thing I keep hearing is this is my first time doing this.
 
When you do something like a community wide food distribution, it’s challenging not to judge folks based on outward appearance.  There are folks who look like they need assistance more than others. There are folks driving nicer cars than most or with the dealer tags still on the windshield. If it’s your first time helping with a food distribution, you’ll notice and comment and perhaps judge.  I was in the same place several years ago too but a heavy dose of the author Ruby Payne and some experience and you can understand a person’s mindset and where folks are coming from (although full disclosure: I did mutter something when I saw the brand new Mercedes in line for the food distribution, so I’ve room to grow here).

The thing with this crisis from my perspective is how it cuts across socio-economic lines.  Our recent food distributions have many folks saying this is my first time doing this:

• This is the first time some nurses and medical staff have needed assistance because they’ve been furloughed since they’re not fighting Covid-19 and there’s no other medical work
• This is the first time for some professionals like commercial pilots, small business owners, and restaurant owners who no longer have planes to fly, widgets to sell, or restaurants to run.
• This is the first time for folks from my neighborhood and folks I went to college with.

People from all walks of life are experiencing an economic crisis for the first time. 

This doesn’t negate the experiences of those who have been in this boat for some time. 

This doesn’t mean it’s worse or sadder because more people are experiencing it for the first time or because people from higher socio-economic classes are experiencing it. 

It does mean this crisis is different. It means it’s felt by different people and by more people.  It means the faces, the clothes and the vehicles in line at the food distribution, on the internet applying for unemployment, or seriously anxious about how things look a month from now look more like my neighbors and yours then previous crises. 

For many, it’s their first time asking for help. 

And for most of us, it’s our first time living through something like this.

So keep this in mind today. 

Remember it’s your Facebook friend’s first time living through something like this when you read her posts and are tempted to type out your disagreement.

Remember it’s teachers’ first time providing remote and virtual education.  It’s students’ first times being taught via Zoom and Google Classroom. 

Remember it’s your coworkers first time living through something like this this.  It’s your family’s first time living through this.

This is your first time doing this.

This is our first time doing this.

If it’s your first time asking for help, it’s okay.  You’re okay.  You have tremendous strength and courage to ask for help

And if you’re providing help, you’re okay.  And be okay with whomever you’re serving understanding your role is to serve and leave the questions and judgments for another day. 

It's been said this time we're living through is more of a marathon then a sprint. 

But it's actually more like training for a marathon.  At least with a marathon you know when it's done.

I ran my only marathon 6 years ago and I still remember my longest training run of 22 miles.  It was basically 11 miles out from my home, turn around, and run back.  I left at like 4:30 in the morning and scared my wife, but that's a different story.

Mile 21- my last mile- I was done.  I wasn’t even running at this point- it was like a fast walk.  And right when I am experiencing some excruciating pain after 3 hours of running, this gal comes down a cross street, running much faster than I was, and a little too cheerfully says “good morning!”. She proceeds to dust me.  In that moment I wanted to yell out “this is mile 21!” but I couldn’t really talk at that point. 

Side note: it’s then I had the idea- free for any of you to take- of making shirts for runners with sayings on the back of the shirt like “distance day”. “Speed day”.  “Easy day”.  The shirts are perfect to communicate to fellow runners (like this gal) or even to people in cars who drive by and wonder why you’re not running faster and then smugly pat themselves on the back that if they ran, they’d certainly be running faster than you. 

When you train for a marathon, not every day is a 22 mile distance day.  Most days are like 5 or 6 miles.  Some days are less and some days are more.  Some days you’re doing some strength training in addition to the run and some days you’re doing nothing and resting.

As you live through social distancing, quarantines and stay at home orders, this isn't a marathon.  It's training for a marathon, and here's what that means:

• You’ll have hard days- there’s going to be hard days similar to those long distance days a marathoner runs once or twice a week.  They know it’s hard and so do you, so plan on it.  When a day gets hard because you’re in your home for 3 days straight or the WIFI isn’t working or you’re on the verge of tears because this isn’t how you wanted to teach or this isn’t what you signed up for, remind yourself that there will be hard days. Then tell yourself my wife’s favorite advice: you can do hard things.
• You’ll have lazy days- when I was training for the marathon, it didn’t feel right to take a day off even though that’s what the plan said.  But a month into training, I understood the necessity of a day off.  Similarly you’re going to have lazy days during this.  Days where you’re grateful Netflix stopped asking “if you’re still watching” or step counter gives up on reminding you to do something because you haven’t cracked triple digits in steps.  That’s okay.  Have a lazy day.  Have two.   
• You’ll have normal days- the meme on the socials now is we don’t know what day of the week it is and it's true.  Your job and mine revolved around schedules, calendars, and events and most of those are gone, but the days are developing a rhythm.  It takes time to develop patterns especially when your normal patterns are anything but, but it’s worth it.

One last thing: just like my 22 mile run was the same day as someone else’s easy breezy run, your hard day may be your spouse's lazy day.  Your lazy day might be a coworker's normal day.  A Facebook friend or colleague might get to more normal days quicker than you. 

And you’ll be tempted (like I was with the faster runner) to yell unkind things at folks having different kinds of day than you, but understand we’re all training for this together. 

And we’re all going to train differently.

So rather than yell or judge, encourage and cheer each other on.